Diatomaceous Diary

“The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.”

-Confucius

One night while trolling, I saw this Facebook post from my neighbor:

DIATOMACEOUS EARTH. . .Why isn’t everyone using this stuff?! It does this and this and this. . .

She went on to list all of these incredible benefits. It lowers cholesterol. It increases energy. It clears your body of toxins and parasites. It strengthens nails, clears and beautifies skin, and increases hair growth. And it kills household insects and repels rodents (yes. And yes, that’s a selling point for me). Basically, it’s a miracle.

I have to say, I’m a total sucker for snake oils. Especially ones with as many claims as this one. Another clincher? I couldn’t find one negative review from anyone who ingested it for health purposes.

Ray: Well of course not. It’s harmless, it’s mud. Didn’t you ever eat mud as a kid?

Me: It’s not mud. It’s finely ground silica rock.

Ray: Which is dirt. Mix it with water? You get mud.

I ordered a 10lb bag for about $20.

Ray (shaking head): $20 dirt?! I’m in the wrong business.

Me: It’s going to last forever, honey.

Ray: It’s dirt. We have plenty of our own dirt. That’s it. Get a shovel. . .

The food grade kind suggests a serving size of 1-2 tsp, 1-2 times a day. My mom brought up the possibility of kidney stones (logically, because of an increased intake of calcium, although I never read any articles or reviews suggesting that), so I decided to take 2 tsp mud only once a day.

Gritty? Yes. Unpalatable? Not really. You just have to make sure you constantly stir it and kick up the grit so that you get it all (it is, after all, “$20 dirt“). I did it in a single 6 oz shot.

Only don’t mix it with carbonated drinks. In my first attempt, I stirred up only a small amount, and the whole thing bubbled up and over like a kid’s science experiment. Which is scary, considering how much soda I drink. Crap, would it do that in my body?!

Yet another reason to up my intake of water. Also, they said that you might suffer, “painful, toxic constipation” if you don’t. Yeesh.

So, it’s been a week. I have noticed I’m pretty thirsty, perhaps more so than usual. Could be increased hot yoga visits, though.

Energy wise? I have more focus, and a little more clarity, but I’m also decreasing my rosé habit. Also, since Girl Scout cookie season just ended, I feel like Lazarus.

The other claimed benefits will take a little more time to really notice, though. I’ll be sure to report back.

I’m giving it to Ray, too.

Ray (glancing sideways at me and pausing mid-sip): This is the mud.

Me: This is the mud.

Ray: You sure you’re not trying to poison me?

Me (So clever): Didn’t you ever eat mud as a kid?

Ray: No, I ate dirt.

Touché.

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